Americans will spend almost $26 billion for this year’s holiday, including one billion greeting cards, 58 million pounds of chocolate and 250 million roses.
But if you’re looking for the true meaning of Valentine’s Day, you’re not alone.
Despite the pomp and circumstance, “Valentine’s Day blues”—a form of situational depression, according to modern scientific research. Perhaps the answer is not candy and commercialism, but connecting with something deeper and more primal.
Romance is an adventure
Experienced traveler and renowned adventurer Jenn Coleman paraphrases the words of Helen Keller: “Love is either a bold adventure or nothing at all.” Over the years she has recommended diving with sharks and snorkeling with sea lions for couples looking to reunite. Coleman says, “Adventure travel has long-term benefits for couples. build their relationships through shared experiences and sparking romance and intimacy.”
She stands for adventures that partners can do together instead of lounging by the pool. For her, this could be climbing cliffs in the desert, jumping from waterfalls in the jungle, or traveling through a frozen forest under an arctic sky. “It doesn’t matter what you do; everything can be an adventure if you step out of your comfort zone and into that growth zone.” Coleman states. She added: “If couples do it together, it’s a romantic adventure.”
Explore the adventure within
Couples don’t have to travel together to experience romantic growth. Sometimes the adventure is within yourself.
Owner Pure orgasmic loveDragonfly Lee, a holistic somatic sexologist and certified sex body specialist, conducts women-only retreats for women of any sexual orientation who want to understand who they are and what they want.
Lee often hears women talk about how they feel something is missing or that they want something more from a relationship. However, many need help to understand what this missing thing is. These discoveries can be an adventure.
It’s fun, exciting, scary, and sometimes exhausting. It is very important to have the right mindset. Just like the view from the top of a mountain, the journey to get there will not be easy, but the pleasure is indescribable when you reach the top and experience the view!
Lee believes, “Life is a rich tapestry of experiences when you address the invisible roots that are blocking your path to happiness and a life of pleasure.”
She invites women to explore the transformative power of somatic (body) education to identify and begin to remove what she calls the “7 Core Blockers” to their connection and pleasure.
By unpacking their “life baggage,” they can move forward on their own unique path without the extra weight and with the support of a community of dedicated, like-minded women.
“The need for authentic, deep connection is ingrained in our DNA. If we don’t communicate through touch, we don’t thrive; a lot of negative things happen mentally and physically. We wither and die, so to speak. A big part of working with our biology to improve overall health is authentic connection with those with whom we share our lives and safe, connecting touch. Part of this is giving yourself opportunities to learn, play and have adventures. Understanding what this looks like for yourself, and then for your partner, will allow you to branch out and create new and exciting adventures in the bedroom and beyond,” Lee continues.
Mentor and colleague Lee, Caffin Jesse, explains that learning to regulate your autonomic nervous system responses and experience pleasure can be stressful or intimidating. People can learn to recognize the difference between feeling uncomfortable and feeling unsafe. They can learn to regulate and tolerate stress that causes discomfort.
Gradually, they can return the body to a sense of security and awareness, but only when they work on themselves. Training zone. This means not too much, not too fast.
The learning zone exists outside of the comfort zone and is different for everyone. The Learning Zone offers unforgettable experiences, whether it’s a couple’s adventure or a private, guided retreat.
Navigating the Panic Zone
Experts warn of another, more sinister place outside the learning zone called the “panic zone,” where anxiety control drains your energy and nothing can flow freely into learning.
Licensed therapist, relationship coach, and certified yoga teacher Katherine Scantlin encourages people to identify the triggers that can send them from the learning zone to the panic zone. “I love working with couples who dare to step outside their comfort zones and embrace the possibilities of their growth, but sometimes there is a fine line between the learning zone and the panic zone.”
When people are excited, they experience the “four Fs”: fight, flight, freeze and suck up.” Scantlin continues, “Identifying your triggers will not only help you avoid them, but you will also be able to develop techniques that will help you regain the emotional regulation necessary to achieve the goals of immersing yourself in the Learning Zone together, namely deepening connection and intimacy.”
Scantlin is the founder of the practice. Advanced Communications Training. She and four other growth-oriented coaches offer coaching and processing sessions for anyone who wants to better understand themselves and their relationships and achieve their relationship goals.
Scantlin has seen a variety of triggers ranging from jealousy, self-doubt, body image and fear of breaking perceived social norms. Her advice is simple. “The first step is to recognize when you and/or your partner are triggered so you can act carefully to protect yourself and the relationship from potential damage from behavior triggered by the four Fs.
“When you notice that you are aroused, start with your breathing. Slow down and notice how different your body and mind feel. Mindful breathing not only creates space between the triggering stimulus and your potentially traumatic reaction and floods your body with positive neurochemicals, but it can also be a cue for your partner to take a breath. Slowing down your descent down the beaten path of conflict and breathing together can help you find connection through the incident, rather than further damaging your relationship.”
Scantlin believes that relationships and adventure travel have many similarities, and sharing adventures has the added bonus of deepening your bond. You develop the skills to navigate difficult situations and resilience when things don’t go your way.
During your journey, you gain experience, personal growth, and healing while developing the neuroplasticity necessary for deep and meaningful connections. Finding adventures and overcoming challenges together in your training zones brings you closer together and emphasizes the sense of teamwork that is the cornerstone of all good close relationships.
If you’re looking for a more intimate connection this Valentine’s Day, the answer may be more than just a box of chocolate and a new trinket. Adventures in and outside the bedroom create shared experiences and build deeper relationships that will last longer than a bouquet of flowers.
Everyone, every couple has their own idea of adventure, and that’s wonderful. Be true to yourself and your partner, have fun, protect your precious relationship with education and therapeutic support, and don’t be afraid to try something new to ignite your flame.
This article originally appeared on Media Decision.
